She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
