I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
