I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
