A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
