i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
