Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
