i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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