Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
