I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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