Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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