when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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