I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
