Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
