fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
