I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
