I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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