Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
