sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
