: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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