i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize