If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The beers last night were like the tears from god
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize