When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
