obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
