Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
