i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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