I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
