bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
