why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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