I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
