he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
