the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
