imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
