I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
