Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
