I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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