I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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