Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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