I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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