I molested 6 butterflies tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
