HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
