it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
