I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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