i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Boobs speak an international language.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
