Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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