I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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