non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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