I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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