After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
