I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
