Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
