I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
