my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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