hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
