i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
