i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize