sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
