I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
