porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
