pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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