you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
