tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
