mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
