when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
