So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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