tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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